Birds And Bees Talk: When And How To Begin Sex Education To Children

As our children keep growing and becoming biologically and sexually mature, our fears of appropriate and inappropriate in terms of others behavior towards our little ones transgresses.

And our overwhelming anxieties for our little one’s health and happiness keep us bewildered. Every parent is perplexed about the birds and bees talk: when and how to begin sex education to children. Why calling it birds and bees talk and showing the apprehensions? Well, thats an English idiomatic expression and euphemism for sex education to children, and its rather more exemplifying than talking it one to one. It is a very important event for parents and for children, and so it must be developmentally appropriate, sequential and unabridged and befitting for their age.

The controversies surrounding myths about sex education to children at school are far too perceived than real. Despite the debates, it is still considered a taboo and not many children get proper knowledge and adequate awareness about sexuality. It is more confined to idioms than on anatomic explanations including body needs and urges. Most children ask some such questions as early as age 4, and our embarrassment and apprehensions arouse even more curiosity among them. It is not easy to sit across your own child and discuss about sexual intercourse or child birth. But it has to begin and with time, it will get better for your child’s sexual health and fitness. Putting off these questions will not help your child at all, rather answer in an honest and age-appropriate way and make it more for an informative session than anything else. Remember to be specific, they may not need elaboration just yet.

When You Must Start The Birds And Bees Talk?

It is earlier than we thought, most children start with asking questions at age 2 or 3 about their body parts and organs specifically. That’s when we must actually start with the specifics. We need not shy away from naming genitals and be sure to name as they are biologically mentioned. A penis and a vagina must remain the same, and a healthy normal child must have their language development with all the body parts. If we begin early and make it a usual conversation there would not be any need for “that day when we had our birds and bees talk”.

Make the short conversations about human anatomy, sexuality and male-female body parts more organic, progressive and radical. This will make your child open up and take you as their go-to person whenever in doubt. Which, in my opinion is the idea always. I would rather have my little one ask me every detail than go to anyone at school or friends with the same level of understanding. This is an incredibly valuable gift, as a parent we can offer our child.

Some doubts and age appropriate details we must share with our little ones:

1- Age 2:

Begin with body parts. Name all the body parts anatomically correct. Do mention Penis and Vagina are private body parts and we do not discuss with everyone about it

2- Age 3-4:

For kids with siblings less than 1.5-2 years apart, these doubts are even more early. Children do ask how did i came or how was i born. A lie at this point is drifting away the faith of a go-to-friend and may eventually result in harming our communication with our own children. An easier and suitable answer can be ,” You came from mommy’s tummy” Do not elaborate here with more reproduction details.

3- Age 4-5:

This is a very critical time as most kids want elaborate as well as specific answers. Birth and reproduction are not a one statement answer now. The kids are more curious than ever. And they are not aware of appropriate and inappropriate so stick with the idea of to-the-point and add some more details. “You were born from mommy’s tummy through vagina”.

Why kids stay in mommy’s tummy or can i carry my doll in my tummy? Are a few more additions. So what’s the best answer for this. There must be more details so the answer here is,” mom and dad made you and only then you came in mommy’s tummy” Do mention it is a natural process.

4- Age 5-6:

For children at this age, more detailed scientific explanations must be provided. “A cell from dad joined with a cell from mom and together they formed a little child”. Then mom carried until the time you were ready to be pushed out. Don’t shy away from mentioning sperm, egg, penis and vagina. This is more of science than about anything else. Let not the awkwardness deprive your child of the details they must know for a healthy sexual life ahead. And more importantly they must know all before they end up being involved physically without knowing about it.

5- Age 6 and upwards:

Now comes the birds and bees, in literal terms for exemplifying the process of reproduction. Children at age 7 or 8 are more than aware with television and interactions with friends. But they may not know it correctly. So an explanation to intercourse with the help of birds and bees needs to be done. Show them how bees carry pollens and sit on the flowers to deposit these pollens, and how birds lay eggs. This is their first correct visual explanation for male fertilization and female ovulation. As it sounds, the children may have ample questions ahead. Do begin with, “it is a natural phenomenon” and make it sound more for a developmental need of the body than pleasure or excitement.

Use puzzles as examples to explain how the penis and vagina fit, and how the sperm reaches the vagina to form a child. Do not shy from using the word Sex, for it is a natural phenomenon.

6- Age 9 to until puberty:

By now you must be able to explain to the child the difference between sex and rape. They must have already heard on TV or from friends, but half knowledge ruins it all. Explain why love is very important for any sexual activity and why it must be consensual. Also, why rape is a crime, for it is forced sex which harms our personal space. The child must definitely know what is appropriate in terms of behavior or people around, and what are the red flags and when must they seek parental intervention for any such situations.

7- Puberty:

This is the first experience the child would have of their sexual development. The changes in body and in hormones, are natural and the child must be appreciative of them. This is the time when over-informing would tune you out from birds and bees talks ahead. Explain them about sex and about masturbation. Also, they must know all this is private and must never be proceeded in public. Though its all natural and biological but some children have more fears and some have more excitement about the issues. Do not worry about your kids being involved in any such, rather be a friend and guide. Explain them the right age for everything and also how sexual health is dependent on it. They must also be aware of sexually transmitted diseases and their effects on health.

Preteen angst and complexities:

A major issue which 80-90% kids at around puberty face is anxiety about their body changes and appropriateness. Children worry about symmetry, shapes and size of their genitals and other body parts. They need some explanation and reassurance for their body transformations. Children must be explained how puberty is different for everyone and how growth spurts occur at different pace. They must be reassured for their maturity and appropriateness. They must be elaborated on body image, contraception and sexually transmitted diseases.

Some more suggestions on how to discuss and make your child have a healthy sexual and developmentally appropriate life ahead:

1- Do not give wrong information about sex or body organs:

Their little minds may not understand the terms yet, but they do have consequences like seeking more elaborate answers from elsewhere

2- Do no discuss too early or too late:

It is as organic as a child learning to speak or you teaching them to walk or bike. There has to be an adequate pace and optimal information must be sequenced for every age

3- Let the small interactions about natural body needs and growth be a part of routine:

So that the kids openly share their apprehensions and anxieties. Who better than the parents to seek help from, without the worry of ending up in some inappropriate event

4- Books for the preteen and puberty stage:

It is always great to provide some books specific for these topics. The kids from past age 9 must have access to books providing relevant information. Let not the television inflicted pornographic content become an answer to the kids doubts.

5- Explain consequences for everything:

Both the physical and emotional consequences are important to be highlighted. Sex, contraception, sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS, pregnancy and emotional upheaval of premature indulgence in sexual activities. These would lay a strong ground for your child to begin thinking about age-appropriateness

The above compilation on “Birds And Bees Talk: When And How To Begin Sex Education To Children” , is based on my own research into the topic, for i am a mother who wishes for healthy and appropriate development for my little one. Also very important suggestions from the readers, who believed hergamut.com would help them find answers to these most crucial problems of being a parent, for when to begin with the birds and bees talk. The above details may not be in sync with some beliefs and faiths, as a popular myth, “information leads to urge” but it isn’t so. Do consult your pediatrician and OB-GYN for more specific details.

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Minu Manisha